I’m preparing to facilitate a board planning retreat for a marketing organization this week. As I gather my thoughts and materials for the session, it has me thinking about my most important role as a facilitator — listening.
The handy-dandy on-line Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines facilitator as follows:
fa·cil·i·ta·tor noun fə-ˈsi-lə-ˌtā-tər: one that facilitates; especially : one that helps to bring about an outcome (as learning, productivity, or communication) by providing indirect or unobtrusive assistance, guidance, or supervision.
I can’t imagine providing “indirect or unobtrusive assistance, guidance or supervision” without being an active listener. When people speak, especially in a dynamic (and sometimes divisive) environment like a planning retreat, they say so much more than just the words being uttered. The tone, speed and volume of how words are delivered, and body language expressed, have a direct impact on how others interpret those words.
The complexity of listening requires us to do so much more than hear the words being spoken. Good listeners don’t just listen, they engage. They make eye contact with the speaker; they use visual and verbal cues such as head nods or “uh-huhs” to acknowledge that they are actively listening; they wait until the speaker has finished before adding to the conversation; and they fully process the speaker’s words and thoughts before jumping in with their own opinion.
Our society’s collective impatience has diminished our active listening skills, yet being a good listener provides great opportunities to learn and connect. When we actively listen we hear beyond the words. We hear passion, we hear frustration, we hear vision, we hear misunderstanding, we hear leadership, we hear bullying, we hear optimism, we hear cynicism and so much more. Listening provides endless discovery leading to better insight, greater understanding, increased compassion and stronger relationships.
So, as I prepare to practice active listening this week, I encourage you to do the same. Given our collective common practice of “Hurry up and finish so that I can talk”, you may find that moving from passive to active listening is not as easy as it seems. Here are a few tips to help you shift your listening habits:
- Keenly observe body language and voice tone.
- Don’t assume you know the full message of someone’s words until they are finished speaking.
- Don’t start to construct your opinion while someone is still voicing his or hers. Wait for them to finish, ensure you understand their point, then share your thoughts.
- If you feel that the speaker’s words are contradicted by the messages that they’re conveying through tone, action or body language then ask for clarity.
You’ll reach a new level of understanding and the speaker will respect your focus and engaged feedback.
Try it for a week, taking note of how you do each day. What did you discover by active listening? Post these simple tips in plain view to help you remember your challenge: Listen. Learn. Repeat.
This week I invite you to share your successes (or your frustrations) on active listening on the Mobilize Facebook page. Click here.
~ Mo Douglas
Love this post, Mo. One of my pet-peeves in listening (or not-really-listening) is what I call the “BTM”… I’ll listen to you to find elements of your story that are relevant to ME and then shift the focus Back To Me! There really is something magical that happens when people feel heard — and, as you say, not just listening to the words but also to the energy and atmosphere surrounding the words. A leadership skill worth honing, for sure!