Last week the Vancouver Foundation released a report called “Connections and Engagement” (find it here), the results of a survey of almost 4,000 people in the Metro Vancouver region. The survey asked people questions about their sense of connection — with friends, neighbours, neighbourhoods and the larger community. While the results aren’t entirely surprising, they reflect a dangerous shift in our society. We feel less connected to our communities than ever before. And that has to change.

Survey responses resulted in the following key findings:

  1. Metro Vancouver can be a hard place to make friends.
  2. Our neighbourhood connections are cordial, but weak. (We’re polite but not friendly).
  3. Many people in Metro Vancouver are retreating from community life.
  4. There are limits to how people see diversity as an opportunity to forge meaningful connections.
  5. The affordability issue in Metro Vancouver is affecting people’s attitudes and beliefs.

Even though the survey focused on Metro Vancouver, you could safely insert “large city of one million+ residents” into the key findings, with the possible exception of number five. Not every city in North America shares Vancouver’s affordability challenges, but sadly, most cities are experiencing the social disconnect expressed by Vancouver-area residents.

We refer to ubiquitous on-line engagement tools like Facebook and Twitter as “social media”, but social media has fostered complacency for real, live social connections. How many Facebook friends would you trust with gathering your mail while you’re on vacation, or could call upon in an emergency? Humans need connection — real connection, as in “I actually know you well enough to call you up for a face to face coffee” connection.

Connections come in several forms:

  • Family – who in our extremely mobile society may not live close by
  • Friends – some of whom may be near, but many whom are farther away
  • Co-workers – with which you may or may not have an outside work, personal friendship
  • Neighbours – who, on average, we only the names of two and do not regularly offer a hello to the rest

Given the number of people who reside in condos or apartments, knowing only two of your neighbours is a shockingly low statistic.

So, why don’t we connect? Well, many respondents said that they don’t connect with their neighbours or make new friends because they feel that they don’t have much to offer others. How did we develop such a pervasive and shared sense of unworthiness? How did we get so isolated? It’s a painful irony to realize that if so many city dwellers share this feeling of isolation and loneliness, then needing to make stronger connections is something we all have in common. And we do have something to offer others — friendliness and kindness — which is all most of us need to ignite a human connection.

But we can fix this. It’s easy and it doesn’t cost money. It takes just a few minutes, a little confidence and an outstretched hand offered with a simple hello.

So this week, commit to making a change and ask two friends to make the commitment with you. Commit to introducing yourself to two of your neighbours. Once you do, ask them to do the same with two more neighbours. Share a short conversation. Chat about the Vancouver Foundation survey. Chat about the weather. But get out there and make two new connections in your neighbourhood. The ripple effect of your impact will likely be more powerful than you’ll ever know.

Life is a remarkable journey. But it’s a journey that’s much better shared. Invite people into your journey. Make a difference. Take the time to connect with your community and experience how both your life and your community are improved by the results.

~ Mo Douglas

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